REQUIRED OF HUMANS: APPRECIATION OF AUTHORITY
By Steve Zeisler
The most intransigent problems we face in our society are found in
the deterioration and pain of families. There is a consistent drumbeat about
the nature of family life in this country which is frightening and depressing.
Despite attention, money, and effort, our system of public education is
failing to educate our children properly. There is an epidemic of child
abuse and neglect, of children living in situations that are terrifying.
Latch-key children face and succumb to temptations young people should never
have to face alone. Violence in this country is more likely to be perpetrated
on children than any other group, whether it is on unborn children or those
who live in poverty. The rising class of poor people in this country are
poor families, especially those with young children. The war on drugs that
has been proclaimed by the federal government recently is a battle that
is being fought to save children. Whether it is crack-addicted babies or
young terrorists dealing narcotics in urban settings it is our children
who are suffering and paying the price.
BABY-BOOMERS AS PARENTS
This problem strikes me as ironic on one level because those currently raising
children are the "baby boom" generation (those born in the 10-year
period after World War II--a generation much larger than those preceding
or following them). Baby boomers in the late 1960's rejected the rights
of parents to be authoritative figures in their lives. They insisted that
no one over 30 could be trusted. They rejected the right of government to
govern, renounced the traditions of previous generations, and threw off
the shackles of biblical thinking.
These baby boomers are now parents, and they are realizing with shock that
the rebellion they chose in their youth is coming home to roost. They do
not know how to parent their children and are frustrated because they long
to do a good job, but do not know how. The pain and anxiety of the process,
the threat to individual children, and the future of this country is grave
indeed. We must reassert some of the wisdom that was lost. A good place
to start is the fifth of the Ten Commandments.
From our study of the Ten Commandments in previous messages we know that
the first four commandments deal with the relationship between God and his
people. In the remaining six commandments, we will face the issues that
are foundational to healthy human relationships and community.
The first of these is the fifth commandment:
Honor your father and your mother that your days may be prolonged
in the land which the Lord your God gives you.
The apostle Paul notes (in Ephesians 6:2) that this is the first command
in the list that is given with the promise that something good will happen
if we obey. There are two elements in the promise: (1) that you may live
a long and valuable life, and (2) that the nation that you will become will
also receive blessing. Thus, the individual and the society will both benefit
if we hear and heed the fifth commandment to honor our parents.
WHAT IS HONOR?
What does "honor" mean in this context? Regarding the fifth commandment,
Lewis Smedes wrote, The word does not tell us to like being with parents
on camping trips, or to relish having them over for dinner. It does not
encourage happy emotional relationships. All that it commands is honor.
The ancient word of honor was something like weightiness. (The Hebrew word
is ---chabad). To honor persons you had to respect them as people who carried
a great deal of weight in your life, that is you had to let them have influence,
dignity, and above all, authority for you. Chabad smacks more of a military
academy than a dinner at home on Mothers' Day.
Honoring does not mean that there must be feelings of love between the generations.
Those feelings of delight that come from memories, laughter, and anticipation
of each other's company are gifts from God, but are not required. Those
gifts flow out of choices that are made, but they are not at the heart of
the commandment.
We should also recognize that honor cannot be expressed under duress. Men
and women who are tyrannized by their parents' rejection, misuse, and neglect
may not be emotionally free to relate to their parents. One cannot choose
to give respect when independence and maturity have not been gained. Thus,
God's command is for free, mature adults to honor their parents regardless
of their personal feelings as to whether their parents' behavior has won
them the right to receive honor.
A TWO-FOLD PROMISE
The promise attached to the commandment has two parts. First, obedience
will result in living a long life. That notion in Hebrew thought does not
have in mind a large number of years with quantity as the only concern.
Rather, the term "long life" means to have experienced a fulfilled,
bountiful life from childhood to old age. Abraham was described this way
at his death: "Abraham breathed his last, and died in a good old age,
an old man and full of years" (Gen. 25:8). Abraham lived a long, adventuresome,
wonderful life, and is described in the end as living to "a good old
age." The first half of the fifth commandment's promise speaks of personal
fulfillment.
The second half of the promise also speaks of fulfillment, but this time
to the nation as a whole. In speaking to the Israelites, God's promise meant
that the land he gave them in Canaan would be a place of harmony and security.
Instead of deterioration at the core of the social structure, there would
be inner strength because people would have learned to cooperate with each
other. Thus, if we learn to honor our father and mother, we are contributing
to our own inner health and security, and that of the society we live in.
It is important to notice that the command is directed to the children rather
than the parents. The Lord might have said, "Parents be kind, sensitive,
generous, and thoughtful towards to your children." However, I believe
that the command is directed to the child because none of us are able to
choose the parents or the environment in which we grow up. Whether we are
raised in a setting where respect comes easy, or a terrible setting, where
it is difficult, all of us can choose to honor our parents.
Indeed, we cannot be emotionally healthy, balanced, and mature people until
we have learned to be rightly related to authority. Those who go through
life resisting and fighting, being aggressive in relationships, and fearing
authority can never be at rest or fulfilled. Similarly, one who is pathologically
dominated by authority figures will be diminished and fearful. Fulfillment
will come from a proper relationship with authority, learned primarily through
honoring the parents we have been given. Obeying the commandment will ultimately
make us whole, healthy people with the inner peace and freedom needed to
relate rightly to the rest of the world.
Luke 7 relates the story of a Roman centurion who understood the significance
of being rightly related to authority. Either through his family or military
experience he had learned what it was like to both command and be commanded.
As a result, he is one of the most winsome figures in the scriptures. He
was a healthy, humble and effective person who loved the truth of God. He
showed his love for the Jews in his jurisdiction by building a synagogue.
He contacted Jesus out of love for his dying slave whom he could have chosen
to discard as a piece of property. He responded to God, people, and life
with an inner health. When he came into contact with Christ, he recognized
the sheer authority that was in the Messiah, and placed his trust in Christ
when given the opportunity.
When the centurion's servant became ill he asked Jesus to intervene on his
behalf. The statement he makes about authority in Luke 7:6-9 is poignant:
"Lord, do not trouble yourself further, for I am not worthy
for you to come under my roof; for this reason I did not even consider myself
worthy to come to you, but just say the word, and my servant will be healed.
For I, too, am a man under authority, with soldiers under me; and I say
to this one, 'Go!' and he goes; and to another, 'Come!' and he comes; and
to my slave, 'Do this!' and he does it." Now when Jesus heard this,
he marveled at him, and turned and said to the multitude that was following
him, "I say to you, not even in Israel have I found such great faith."
Through his experience in commanding and being commanded, the centurion
had learned not to fear those in positions of leadership and authority.
As a result, he turned for help to God's Anointed, the one man in all of
history who has the right to command nature. I believe that people like
this centurion can lovingly bow before God because they have learned a healthy
appreciation for authority.
FREEDOM AND AUTHORITY
Janis Joplin (of all people) popularized a song that was prophetic for the
rebel generation of the '60's. The refrain in the song "Me and Bobby
McGee" says: "Freedom's just another word for nothin' left to
lose./ And nothin' ain't worth nothin', but it's free." The song was
about the inability to sustain commitment in a relationship. Happiness does
not come from being free of every restraint and throwing off all authority.
If freedom is our only value, and we are unwilling to submit to one another,
"then freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose. And nothin'
ain't worth nothin', but it's free."
The centurion turned to Jesus because he understood his relationship to
authority, and thus was able to trust Jesus Christ as the ultimate authority.
That is the lesson of the fifth commandment. If we are to become healthy
people we must first learn to honor our parents, which will teach us about
a right relationship to God.
A TRIBUTE TO PARENTS
In this respect, I want to say a word in tribute to my own parents. My father
is a stable man, honest to the core, and has been deeply committed to his
family throughout the years. He has high standards and does not deal very
well with failure. When I was growing up, he served me most by setting a
direction and teaching me discipline. He is a man of principles and commitment,
whom I have always respected and loved. My mother is relational, accepting,
and nurturing. She is a wise, upbuilding person, who has a great sense of
humor. She has helped me believe in myself during times of failure. In thinking
about who they are I know I should express my gratitude to God more frequently
than I do for granting me parents so worthy of honor.
I have not spent any great length of time in my parents' home since I left
for college at 18 years of age. In the intervening years, I have been most
influenced in my thinking about parental roles by my peers and mentors at
PBC. In contrast to my experience, a great many pastors and elders and people
in leadership roles in this church have not had the advantage of having
healthy families. It is not required that we have loving, stable, and thoughtful
parents in order to become healthy ourselves. It is required that we learn
to honor the parents we have, whether we like them or not, whether they
earn it or not.
DIFFICULT PARENTS
I have heard enough of the life stories of the men and women who give leadership
to this church to know that not just a few of them had cruel and abusive
parents. Cold and distant unconcern, alcoholism, and mental illness in parents
were the childhood experience of some who now lead this church. Some were
orphaned as children; others were abandoned. Despite the circumstances,
I have seen these people respect the generation that preceded them, both
parents and parents-in-law. Many have invited aged parents into their homes
to care for and support. They learned the lesson of honoring those whom
God had allowed to be their parents, whether or not it was easy. As a result,
the grown children are godly, healthy people. They are able to break whatever
patterns of tragedy were in the past and give health to those around them.
We need to draw some conclusions for those who have been debilitated by
a terrible childhood. Among non-Christians and Christians as well, it is
a burgeoning phenomenon. People join groups such as Adult Children of Alcoholics
(ACA), realizing that they share similar tragedy, and thus can support each
other in undoing the effects. Although there are no simple cures to a painful
childhood, the biblical pattern for recovery begins with honesty. As long
as there is dishonesty or misrepresentation of the situation, the journey
back to health will not proceed very far. There has to be honesty before
God about what has happened.
The second step involves receiving and granting forgiveness. We must receive
forgiveness from God for our sins and then forgive those who have sinned
against us. Forgiveness is the antidote to defensiveness and inhibition.
We must forgive in response to the great gift of God's forgiveness of us
in Christ.
NEW CREATURES IN CHRIST
Repair of the past is not God's primary interest for us. Rather, he intends
our re-creation. We are new creatures in Christ, not bound by heredity or
the environment in which we were raised. We are who we are by virtue of
the cross of Christ. Therefore, we must adopt the wisdom of the apostle
Paul regarding his own past, as stated in Philippians 3: "Forgetting
what lies behind, and stretching forward to what lies ahead, I press on
toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."
It is our present reception of the Lord Jesus and the goal of becoming more
like him, not our past, that should dominate our thinking about ourselves.
That process, as complex as it is, will enable those with painful childhood
memories to work through them. Honoring their parents in spite of their
worthiness is the most healthy and mature course for the individual to choose.
For those recovering from a painful past I would further suggest involvement
in ministry with children. Our society is filled with those children who
would greatly benefit from the love, care and godly instruction that perhaps
you did not receive. It will yield the wonderful by-product of health and
wholeness in your own life as well. We have programs for children in this
church that need workers. There is always room for ministry in our Sunday
School program for young children. Our high school and junior high youth
ministries are in touch with needy kids who could tremendously benefit from
your involvement. Christian Service Brigade and Pioneer Girls program reach
out to children in the community. Young Life is starting clubs working with
high school youth on the Peninsula. In East Palo Alto we have a ministry
to kids who do not speak English, many who are poverty-stricken, or have
other tragedy in their life. Part of the process of getting well might include
investing yourself in an act of kindness for a child in need.
BEING A GODLY PARENT
Although the fifth commandment is written to children, it nevertheless has
relevance to parents. The most helpful thing we can do for our children
is to be the kind of parents who are not difficult to honor and respect.
The apostle Paul wrote a simple word of advice in Ephesians 6:4: "Fathers,
do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline
and instruction in the Lord." There are two parts to that statement.
Do not do the negative and do do the positive. First of all, do not provoke,
ruin, or dominate your children. Then, get involved with your children,
care about them, know them, teach them, and walk with them. Do not hurt
them, but care for them.
I think the most vivid memories in my life have to do with my children.
Parenting has been the instrument God has used most often and most deeply
to teach Leslie and me to love, understand and need one another as husband
and wife. I recall the overwhelming joy I felt when I saw our first child,
Sarah, being born. I will never forget the night I spent in the pediatric
intensive care unit, wondering what would become of our son Jeff who had
fallen out of a tree onto his head. Would he live, would he be whole? I
remember our third child, David, scoring his first soccer goal. There have
been arguments, prayers, trips, jokes, and other vivid memories in this
process of parenting. For those of us in that process there is probably
nothing else about which we worry, pray, or rejoice more than bringing up
our children. I long for the Lord to make me the kind of father who will
make it easy for my kids to honor their parents. I know if my daughters
and sons cannot learn that lesson well, they will struggle all their lives.
The first of the Ten Commandments that instructs us in human relationships
is foundational to all the others: "Honor your father and mother."
Obeying it will produce mental and emotional health, allowing us to live
a long, full life. It is the only hope for any society to succeed. However,
the law by itself has never been able to give life. It is a mirror to gaze
upon so that we can see ourselves. Looking at it we will see incapacity
and failure, and it will teach us to call out to God for mercy. Although
it will direct us, shape us, and help us realize what we did not know, it
cannot save us.
CHILDREN BY ADOPTION
Ultimately, the most important family experience that you and I will have
is not the family into which we were born, nor the family we create by marrying
and bearing children. The most important family is the one into which we
were adopted by the heavenly Father. In the long run, we learn to appreciate
authority in order to trust God--to be able to bow before our Father in
heaven. It is by the power of the Spirit that these things take place. Paul
wrote in Romans 8:14-16:
All who are being led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. For you
have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have
received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, "Abba! [that
is "Daddy", intimate Father] Father!" The Spirit himself
bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children,
heirs also, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer
with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.
He who has graciously adopted us as his children wants to give us intimacy
with himself and standing for eternity.
We will close with a prayer about family life from Ephesians 3:14-19:
For this reason, I bow my knees before the Father, from whom
every family in heaven and on earth derives its name, that he would grant
you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with power
through his Spirit in the inner man; so that Christ may dwell in your hearts
through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able
to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height
and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that
you may be filled up to all the fullness of God.
Catalog No. 4184
Exodus 20:12
Steve Zeisler
Fifth Message
September 24, 1989
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