In the final days of high school, 1994, I found myself at the crossroads of life. Struggling with problems of alcohol and drug abuse, I found myself needing to yield my will to a greater power; I yielded to a mentor that would help me to navigate through the propositions and text of life. I placed Jesus Christ as the center structure and object of my aspirations. Professionally, my ambitions have not changed entirely; however, due to Christ's counsel and influence in my life, my motivation, perspective, and actions concerning my ambitions to be professionally successful, definitely have changed.
Throughout my life I have dreamed of feeling the force of an F-16 fighter jet as it steadily rockets skyward causing the cockpit and I to fuse as one. The thought of one day being lifted like an eagle soaring on the wind was highly motivating and overwhelming. As I began Jr. High later moving into high school, the motivation that I had once known had been choked out. At twelve years old, alcohol had consumed the free spirited child whose heart was entranced by the awesome eagle's grace and his perspective of the world below. At sixteen, marijuana and LSD were the only things I wanted to be consumed with. The prolonged effects of drug and alcohol abuse would soon demand their toll, reaping in me a disorder known as schizophrenia. Only one month prior to this diagnosis had I prayed for the first time since early childhood, asking God for help in my fading situation.
By the end of high school, I had lost touch with reality; I began feeling very paranoid, and thought that everyone was watching me, that I had been the recipient of some sort of evil planning; but, my prayer had been answered. After an approximate two-week period of hell, my mother decided it best for me to communicate with someone that may be able to help (the police). At first I was a little taken and didn't want to talk with them. Until l then, God had not yet broken my will and shown to me that He had heard my prayer.
The next eighteen days seemed to be the closest thing to hell I had yet experienced. I spent the first evening under the watchful eyes of an intensive care unit in my hometown. The following morning I admitted myself to the inpatient rehabilitation program at St. Mary's Psychiatric Hospital. The first day or so wasn't that bad; I was away from the party environment, I had plenty of smokes, and there was no chance that anyone could get to me in here. I was continuing to crack up and at an alarming rate. The doctors and nurses that had watch over me were very attentive to my actions. Even though I had admitted myself to this program, I had tried to escape numerous times. All of the doors were locked in this section of the hospital and I had found myself admitted to a prison. I began formulating (MacGuyverizing) ways to escape and evade. I found that if I were to pull the fire alarm, all the doors would unlock and I would be home free. I managed to escape and ran as far as the parking lot when I stopped. I realized that I had lost control of my life, (and what an opportune time). I turned around, walked straight back in finding myself being incarcerated and now confined to a bed with leather straps. This was not the idea I had when I had decided to avert in the parking lot that day. I had repeatedly managed to escape the leather straps, once trying to escape through the ventilation duct that was overhead. I was no Special Forces Black Beret and quickly was I shut down.
God finally broke my will completely bringing to bare much sin that had plagued my mind for years; and, I began confessing openly as once again I was being stretched out and bound to my bed. It became a very humbling experience; however, I began to feel a freedom and peace like never before. 1 John 1:9 is very much so true in it's statement, "If we confess our sins, God is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins, and purify us from all unrighteousness."
After completing the remainder of the program I knew with certainty that my condition had been totally cured, and I had been given a new life in Christ, (2 Corinthians 5:17, "If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old is gone, and the new has come." At this point in my life, I began reading the Bible asking God to walk with me each day. To be in the presence of God, and to interact with Him in a personal way gave me new perspective on the happenings of my life and my behavior: past, present and future.
I soon joined the United States Army and entered basic training at Ft. Knox, Kentucky. I quickly found the Sunday morning chapel services to be a welcome retreat from the hectic basic training schedule, (as did most recruits). Initially, I entered the Army with the desire to apply to the Warrant Officer Flight Training program and later become an Apache helicopter pilot; later my interests were swayed to the Army's ROTC program. While at my present duty assignment, Ft. Hood, I have become involved in a Bible study and have learned the importance of sharing my faith with others, and doing so in a way that others would be able to teach others, (2 Timothy 2:2).
In the near future I plan to pursue the ROTC option. Along with these plans, and every step of the way, I will strive to know Christ better and to better make Him known. The Bible says this, "Young men may grow weary and faint, even in their prime they stumble and fall; but those who look to the Lord will win new strength, they will grow wings like eagles; they will run and not be weary, they will march on and never grow faint." Isaiah 40:30,3.
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