ek, "out,” intensive, "to confess forth," i.e., "freely, openly," is used "of a public acknowledgment or confession of sins,"
ek plus homo: “like or same”
plus logia from logos.
To search one’s heart and identity what seem to be mere faults, failures, shortcoming selfish desires or cravings.
All of us are easily compromised so we rationalize or excuse: “after all I’m only human.”
Agree with God. Hand that defect over to God.
“I lied, I cheated, I stole, I wanted to control. I manipulated.
What I thought was mere disliking that person was murder.
I thought I was merely lusting but coveting was really idolatry.”
“He who hates his brother is a murderer and you know that no murderer has eternal life dwelling in him.”
“Whoever looks on a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
For the first thirty years of my life I was a searcher for truth (or thought I was). Others around me were content with the status quo but not me. From the age of five I aspired to take a rocket ship to Mars. Did well through High School. Worked hard to please my teachers. So it was that I went on to college, enjoying physics, electrical engineering and math.
I did well enough at San Diego State College that my physics professor said I should go to Stanford and get a PhD. So I did. I had no aspirations for teaching but surely science is the best path to finding God? Lots of Americans were in awe of science back then! I was only one of 130 other grad students at Stanford in 1954, and that was intimating, since most of my peers had done their undergaduate work at a full-blown university not at a mickey-mouse state college.
But I was enthralled by a half a dozen of my profs at Stanford--Nobel Prize winners--very auspicious every one. Instead of the required A‘s and B’s I got C’s and came in last at first year Comps. It took me no time at all to see I was at the bottom of the physics ladder and knew nothing.
But I was enthralled by a half a dozen of my profs, Nobel Prize winners and very auspicious every one. That first summer I landed a summer job at the Linear Accellerator, SLAC (paying $1.25 an hour, but my only option apparently for a lowly grad student.
I came back that fall for Year Two and was enthralled with the class content. One of my profs (Robert Hofstadter) urged me not to give up, saying that some grad students did not pass their Comps for 8 or 9 years. That route to fame and glory now seemed pointless.
Fortuitously a gung-ho EE grad student, Myles Berg, landed me a summer job at SRI International (then Stanford Research Institute). My title was “Student Engineer” and the pay was $2.25 an hour so I “took the summer off from school” --and never went back. See The True Story of the Communication and Radio Physics Lab of the Stanford Research Institute (formerly SRI International) from the actual archives."
I was soon living luxuriously in an old adobe house in the hills, The Mesa, affordale on my big income. Marjorie Eaton charged me only $150 a month rent. The old adobe house had only one bedroom so I could only have one roommate at a time and he had to sleep in an alcove at the end of the living room. My first roommate was a Med School post grad student in Psychiatry from Boston. Martin Kantor arrived with a grand piano which was cool as he played like Liberace and loved to regale me with horror stories from the Psych ward. He was a strict Freudian so I read Freud’s bio, “The Future of an Illusion" to impress Marty. I also read what I could find in the library about Sandor Ferenzi, Alfred Adler, Karl Abraham, Carl Gustav Jung, et al. They were pioneers from the Victorian Age inventing the new science of Psychology.
Marty took an interest in my radar investigation at SRI of the Aurora and ionized trails from meteors. One day Marty said, “Lambert you seem to know a lot about outer space but I see you know nothing about inner space.” Marty suggested I save up a ton of money and go see a classic Freudian analyst. Surely that path would lead to liberation and wholeness? He was right in his hunch of course, and I took him seriously because I still wanted to know whether life had any ultimate meaning or not. I also knew nothing about interpersonal relationships or love, being a real nerd at the time, socially ill at ease and very "unaware." I was hoping for something more out of life beyond living out a career in Engineering.
Marty suggested I save up a ton of money and undergo classic Freudian analysis. Surely that path would lead to liberation and wholeness? I knew I had plenty of excess baggage to work on!
The basis of Freud’s method as I understood it back then: The problem men have is related to their Oedipal Conflict. Boys want to kill their fathers in order to win the mother's love exclusively. Confronting father is very dangerous. If a man comes in for therapy, it is assumed his Oedipal problem needs to be resolved. The therapist is not the father, but if he is neutral and shockproof, the younger man will pour out his dreams, his gut feelings, his fears. The doctor must remain stoic but affirming. Finally when the patient has come to the end of himself and breaks down, the therapist can announce to the patient, "You are well now. Welcome to adult manhood."
My 2.5 years three times a week investment in Freudian Psychoanalysis was built on my above naive presuppositions. I was soon paying $25 per hour to relate my deepest secrets and dreams to a man I didn't and couldn't ever know as a person. If he dismissed me as cured, he'd lose an easy $25 per hour. But would this expensive high-stress ordeal go on forever? To get more for my monry I read all I could about dreams, the unconscious and acting-out.
In the summer of 1962 I stayed home from work for a week to teach myself how to paint. I bought oil paints, brushes and canvases, put a Fifth of Beefeaters Gin the freezer and sat out in my patio painting. In a few days I had a dozen paintings ready for the Louvre. I knew no one would pay any attention to my art, then, or ever. But I boxed them up and took them with me to my next session with Dr. Walton. I laid them all out on the floor of his office, took charge, and interpreted them boldly one by one. Dr. W. was visibly shaken. That was my last visit. He could believe I had gone bonkers if he chose, but I knew better. It was farewell to Freud that day also, because I knew there must be a god out there and my quest had to go on. Knowing that spiritual rebirth was only the begining of knowing God, the next years of my life found me interested in Eastern Christianity. Surely God was not merely the God of Western Civilization favoring Protestants, Catholics and a few Baptists?
At the time a former Episcopal Priest from England, Alan Watts, was living in San Francisco and giving regular lectures on NPR's Berkeley radio station, KPFA, and from his houseboat in Sausalito. I liked him a lot. I can say much more now about the Yin, the Yang, and the Tao, The Eastern Love Song by Solomon, and the East in general so stay tuned. Alan Watts died of unresolved alcoholism in 1973, at the age of only 58. To this day I wonder if he really knew Jesus? I hope so! God knows, I don't. God wants no one to be lost!
Free from my shrink, my Jewish girl friend Paula Fern and I visited several local BIble-believing churches around Palo Alto. I realized I needed to know the enemy --assuming there was a god and He might not like me very much. I won't repeat that chapter of my journey, it's all on my web site, My Search for Meaning in Life.
In the Fall of that year, 1962, I would discover that Jesus Christ as alive and well, and that I could know Him personally if I were willing to be born again. I called out to the unknown god, and He answered in spades! I had a robust conversion with water baptism in January, but then foolishly decided to try LSD as an accelerant to speed up my spiritual growth. Bad move obviously. It was perfectly legal then and quite a number of my peers at Stanford had signed up. See, "What LSD did for Me."
But "Do all things (even our mistakes) work together for good for those who know God and are the the called according to His commandments?" Yes! But there is a Consequence Engine in life!
When I turned 30, also in 1962, I thought the best years of my life were lost and gone. Life is surely all downhill after 30? But I wondered about Jesus who had also died in obscurity at age 30. Surely I would die and fade into oblivion like everyone else I knew at the time--expect for those radiant Christians at my church and my indefatigable pastor, Ralph W. Kraft.
I could not deny the profound changes already happening even then because I had given Jesus permission to invade my private domain. It's been 59 years since all this happened! I see now why Jesus has been called The Hound of Heaven!
“I call this a Divine Humility because it is a poor thing to strike our colors to God when the ship is going down under us; a poor thing to come to him as a last resort, to offer up 'our own' when it is no longer worth keeping. If God were proud He would hardly have us on such terms: but He is not proud, He stoops to conquer, He will have us even though we have shown that we prefer everything else to him, and come to him because there is 'nothing better' now to be had. The same humility is shown by all those Divine appeals to our fears which trouble high-minded readers of Scripture. It is hardly complimentary to God that we should choose Him as an alternative to Hell: yet even this He accepts. The creatures illusion to self-sufficiency must, for the creature's sake, be shattered; and by trouble or fear of trouble on earth, by crude fear of eternal flames, God shatters it 'unmindful of his glory's diminution'. Those who would like the God of Scripture to be more purely ethical, do not know what they ask.” ― C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain
“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? “Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? “Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” (Matthew 7:1-5)
My time in psycholoanalysis showed me it's OK to come unglued sometimes, to vent, to rant--especially if your are alone with God. He can handle anything you have to talk to Him about. Jesus already has all the facts, knows your motives, and won't put you down when you show Him your very worst side.
Your best friends, parents, relatives, on the other hand, hope to see you as a rock solid, "in season, and out of season" sort of person, so pay attention to them and be careful when you rant. Others are watching you, and your are a role model for somone, somewhere 24/7. Better still, go on a long prayer walk and tell Jesus all your troubles. It took me a long time to see that there are people in the world who see right hrough me! I'm blind or in denial about many of my big unresolved issues. In spite of good behavior, some will hate me. I'm keeping company with Jesus now, and with His people. It's OK to have enemies, they keep you on the straight and narrow.
‘If the world hates you, be aware that it hated me before it hated you. If you belonged to the world, the world would love you as its own. Because you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world—therefore the world hates you. Remember the word that I said to you, “Servants are not greater than their master.” If they persecuted me, they will persecute you; if they kept my word, they will keep yours also. But they will do all these things to you on account of my name, because they do not know him who sent me. If I had not come and spoken to them, they would not have sin; but now they have no excuse for their sin. Whoever hates me hates my Father also. If I had not done among them the works that no one else did, they would not have sin. But now they have seen and hated both me and my Father. It was to fulfil the word that is written in their law, “They hated me without a cause.” (John 15:18-25)
I know of a man, DW, now about 40, who grew up in a Catholic Church on the East Coast. When he reached puberty he became concerned about going weekly to Catholic Confession in a booth, and "telling all" to the priest. The priest was also a sinner--why should DW feed the priest's base instincts with his own sordid stories? He left the Catholic Church and never went back. To this day I see no evidence that DW has come to Jesus. That's very said--I hope and pray he discovers our True High Priest. DW was right to be concerned for the young priest who listened all day to sordid failure stories from his parishiners.
Who does your psychiatrist go see after a long day of hearing confessions from sinners? Human priests of every ilk are no match for the priestly office Jesus holds forever!
“Confess your trespasses (paraptōma, short comings) to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.“ (James 5:16)
The Scottish poet laureate Robert Burns, said he was seeking the ability of seeing himself as others saw him.
O wad some Power the giftie gie us
To see oursels as ithers see us!
It wad frae mony a blunder free us,
An' foolish notion:
What airs in dress an' gait wad lea'e us,
An' ev'n devotion!
STRONGS NT 52W: ὑποκριτής
ὑποκριτής, ὑποκριτου, ὁ (ὑποκρίνομαι, which see);
1. one who answers, an interpreter (Plato, Lucian).
2. an actor, stage-player (Aristophanes, Xenophon, Plato, Aelian, Herodian).
3. in Biblical Greek, a dissembler, pretender
“Judge not, that you be not judged.
“For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged;
and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.
“And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye,
but do not consider the plank in your own eye?
“Or how can you say to your brother,
‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye?
“Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye,
and then as you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”
In real life we all need people we can trust in our lives. This ought to start with our parents. Then to a degree, our siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles. We can become codependent on another, beholden to them, or we can build a balanced relation with Jesus guiding us in every relationship in this life. But "Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company ruins good morals.’ (1 Corinthians 15:53).
The above is stuff that happened in my life when I was in my twenties very nearly sixty years ago. Times have changed, and so have I, but not God. To conclude this rant may I offer a few comments? It’s an insult to God to imagine that you or I have what it takes to live real life! See The Exchanged Life, Give Jesus permission to take over every room of your houes including the basement, and hand him the title deed to the whole shebang. My article The Beast in the Basement, built on Robert Munger's "My Heart Christ's Home" may be helpful.
But have you noticed how God is FOR you, not against you, if He is your Lord!
Jesus is a Trailblazer, our High Priest, our Defender, our Champion. Just make sure you and He are on the same page!
"The word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing until it divides soul from spirit, joints from marrow; it is able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart. And before him no creature is hidden, but all are naked and laid bare to the eyes of the one to whom we must render an account.
Since, then, we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast to our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who in every respect has been tested as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore approach the throne of grace with boldness, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." (Hebrews 4:12-16)
"I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory about to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the children of God; for the creation was subjected to futility, not of its own will but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to decay and will obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. We know that the whole creation has been groaning in labour pains until now; and not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly while we wait for adoption, the redemption of our bodies. For in hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what is seen? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.
Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words. And God, who searches the heart, knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn within a large family. And those whom he predestined he also called; and those whom he called he also justified; and those whom he justified he also glorified. What then are we to say about these things? If God is for us, who is against us? He who did not withhold his own Son, but gave him up for all of us, will he not with him also give us everything else? Who will bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? It is Christ Jesus, who died, yes, who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who indeed intercedes for us. Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will hardship, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written,
‘For your sake we are being killed all day long;
we are accounted as sheep to be slaughtered.’
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.' (Romans 8:18-39)
Amazing Grace!John Newton, 1779
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